A Trip to the Modern (Sh)Art Museum

This past weekend Sarah and I decided to take a little trip down to the Tate Modern Art Museum. Let me start by saying that, except for in rare cases, I am not a fan of modern art. Sure, I have seen some pieces over the past 27 years that I've liked, but for the most part, I just don't see the unique talent and gift that is required to create many of these works. Anyway, about a year ago, Sarah and I paid a visit to the Tate Modern, and upon seeing many of the unnamed exhibits, we vowed to return one day and re-title the pieces with more appropriate labels. Let's begin...

Well, that didn't take long!  We hadn't even entered the building and we already had our first example of modern "art." I don't know how randomly walking and running around in a group is art, but if it is, my favorite pieces would be the games of soccer and rugby. My distaste is clear at the end of this video, as all I could think about were all the wedgies and swirlies I should have been doling out.

I title this piece "The Shinless Wonder", or maybe "No-Shins McGee." 

Either way, someone is in desperate need of calf injections!

"Cat Poop." Not sure what else to say... some random metal cubes and a bunch of pieces of something that looks like poop. Oh, and a huge black Dorito in the background.

"How to wrap a body in duct tape before burying it in your backyard." Seriously, this creepster just took some pieces of wood, attached them to some Debenhams mannequins, and then wrapped them in packaging tape! "That'll be $1 million, please... Now back to my dungeon to work on my next masterpiece!"

"I did the same thing in 3rd grade but no one paid me any money for it."

"Nailed It!"  Literally, this is a bunch of nails hammered into a canvas...

"Sarah's Worst Nightmare." When Sarah saw this, she cried, "All those poor books!" This "artist" took a bunch of other people's written works of art, messed them up, glued them to a board (poorly, I might add), and voila!

"Tic-Tac-Toe." Four pieces of metal wire, with some threads in the shape of a circle in the center. (You never, NEVER start in the middle in tic-tac-toe!) But it's in a glass case, so it's important and valuable. Fail.

"Trash Day." This one screams, "Our ghetto neighbors left their old table on the curb." These two things were leaning against a wall by a doorway. Were they art, or just something that the maintenance team was collecting? If that can actually be considered a valid question, then it's not art.

"Pebble Bulls-Eye." Now if only someone would drop a water balloon or a piano here to wipe this thing out.  Maybe it was done without any instruments and the artist was able to create perfect geometric circles by hand... but I doubt it.

"You missed a spot!" It looks like we missed the frame in this shot, but there actually wasn't one. Just a big square of grey paint with a white section in the middle. Art. There was a married couple staring at this for over 5 minutes and I am not exaggerating (I guess they were analyzing it?). I was dying to ask them how it "spoke" to them.

Don't look closely - there is nothing to miss. Just two cylindrical halogen lights meeting at a 90-degree angle. I didn't realize 7-Eleven halogen lighting was art... 

...or exposed air ducts (yea, they're roped off).

"Cinder Block Jenga"

"Giant Paint Sample." This one just makes me sad and embarrassed when I think of how the artist brought it to the Tate and it was analyzed and swooned over before being put on the wall. I can hear the conversations - "Oh yes, look what he's done here" or "Oh, how splendid that he didn't miss a spot with his paint roller. Hoorah!" Maybe that was the point - to emit an emotion from me because of the irony of how ridiculous this is?

Ahh, not these guys again!! Walking backwards and singing like monks is just weird - stop it!

Thank goodness this museum is free!  Or the "art" wouldn't be the only tragedy here.