Crazy Faces

So I bought a new phone last year after moving to London.  Being a Droid-man, I went with the HTC Desire-HD.  I was pleased as punch with my selection, and after a few weeks of playing around on the phone, I discovered the key to countless hours of tear-jerking laughter: a distortion feature built into my camera phone.  So far, almost all of our house guests have fallen victim to my sharp eye for the grotesque and ridiculous, and below I have included a few of our favorites!

WARNING:  The images you are about to see may frighten you to your core.  Houseman Inc. is not responsible for any of the following effects caused by viewing the aforementioned images:  Loss of sleep, loss of appetite, loss of friends, loss of self-respect (or respect of any kind), photographobia (fear of having your picture taken), night-terrors, and day-terrors.   Let's begin....

 

 I hope you didn't expect me to start off slow - the evil witch Sarah welcomes you to this album!

A lot of people say that Cristy and Sarah look a lot alike... the two pics above show that they may be possessed by the same demon.

There is no doubt that Keli was EXTREMELY excited to be in London!

Normal Katie = absolutely beautiful.  Distorted Katie = one of the monsters from the castle battle scene in the movie Willow.

Dad looks like an old, confused Bruce Jenner.

I don't know what is creepier or more hideous - my ear, smile, eyes, hat, or enormous hand/wrist holding my glasses... or just the "Hey baby!" look I am trying to give.

Award for the tiniest nose in the world goes to... Boone Lawrence.

 

And award for tiniest mouth flanked by huge cheeks.... Cristy round 2!

 Charming, Sarah.  Charming....

Jordan was just trying to show his friendly Texas smile, but every God-fearing person in Nice ran away screaming at the mere sight of this beast!

Sarah looks like a alien in this one...
an alien suffering from severe depression.

 Sarah cannot stop laughing when she looks at this one, but personally, I think he looks like a really friendly and innocent guy - the kind you just want to get to know!

 This man just became a father.  Jeremy, play your cards right and Quinn never sees this...

 

Allison is completely unrecognizable in this shot, about which I am sure she is happy in case she ever wants to be welcomed back to Nice.

This truly looks absolutely nothing like my younger sister Laura, but rather the gruesome creature that ate Laura.

Amy looks like an injured animal crying out, begging for someone to put her out of her misery.

Ross looks like an eight-year-old child who belongs in The Brady Bunch (Amy is just plain frightening).

I don't know how much of this is distorted and how much is really just me being terrifying.

Such a dreamy look... minus the demon-eyes, gaping nostrils, and ridiculous half-smile/smirk.

 Two things Austin Powers fears: nuclear war and my Mom - "Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."

 

Ahh!  Dad's back!  Jay Leno chin and almost non-existent eye - or is it a creepy wink?

Dave looking angry that he lost out on the leading role in Twilight - sweet hair, though!

My favorite part of this picture is the woman in the red pants running for her life for fear of being devoured by Sarah the Baboon.

This seriously looks like a caricature drawing by a street artist.

Even Kirby cannot escape my distorted camera shots!  I think he looks just like the dog from the intro to the TV show "Goosebumps."

Possibly the stupidest looking expression in this entire post. 
Congrats, Jeff!

Sarah looks like a mix between a chipmunk and a round-chinned old lady... with enormous Japanese cartoon cat-eyes, of course!

My wife's reaction to anyone saying, "Hey Sarah, I ate all of your pop-tarts!"

You again, Jeremy?!  Between the lazy eye, Vote for Pedro
mustache, and peanuts in the teeth,
I just don't know what else to say! 

Elizabeth would be an incredible linebacker if she joined the NFL.

Haha!  The flat head really helps to explain the seemingly brainless expression created by the distortion-feature - I'm pretty sure that this started off as just an innocent smile.

If I had to write a sound-effect for this one, it would probably be "Dddaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!"

 Jeremy's shot at the Jay Leno chin - classic!

 Back so soon, Elizabeth?!  Cross-eyes or horrific smile... not sure which will haunt me more.

 Amazingly, Renee's hair looks incredible in these shots... but the camera took no mercy on the rest of her.

 Even Papa got in on the fun, though after seeing this he may
not let me stay at his house for Christmas!

 Two fantastic shots of Dave - the one on the right is our favorite, probably because he looks like the Jolly Green Giant.

 I really love this picture - the way the light hits my face/eye, the way my mouth shows an expression of half-joy half-terror, and the fact that my eyes were filled with tears from laughing so hard at many of the other pics in this blog.

 One from far away (look at those hands!!!), one from close up - both are simply horrible, but the first pic is one of my absolute favorites - please click on it for a larger view and notice the eyes, nose, mouth, and overall expression (I love you, Molly!)

 Th.. th... th... th.. that's all folks!!!