Crazy Faces

So I bought a new phone last year after moving to London.  Being a Droid-man, I went with the HTC Desire-HD.  I was pleased as punch with my selection, and after a few weeks of playing around on the phone, I discovered the key to countless hours of tear-jerking laughter: a distortion feature built into my camera phone.  So far, almost all of our house guests have fallen victim to my sharp eye for the grotesque and ridiculous, and below I have included a few of our favorites!

WARNING:  The images you are about to see may frighten you to your core.  Houseman Inc. is not responsible for any of the following effects caused by viewing the aforementioned images:  Loss of sleep, loss of appetite, loss of friends, loss of self-respect (or respect of any kind), photographobia (fear of having your picture taken), night-terrors, and day-terrors.   Let's begin....

 

 I hope you didn't expect me to start off slow - the evil witch Sarah welcomes you to this album!

A lot of people say that Cristy and Sarah look a lot alike... the two pics above show that they may be possessed by the same demon.

There is no doubt that Keli was EXTREMELY excited to be in London!

Normal Katie = absolutely beautiful.  Distorted Katie = one of the monsters from the castle battle scene in the movie Willow.

Dad looks like an old, confused Bruce Jenner.

I don't know what is creepier or more hideous - my ear, smile, eyes, hat, or enormous hand/wrist holding my glasses... or just the "Hey baby!" look I am trying to give.

Award for the tiniest nose in the world goes to... Boone Lawrence.

 

And award for tiniest mouth flanked by huge cheeks.... Cristy round 2!

 Charming, Sarah.  Charming....

Jordan was just trying to show his friendly Texas smile, but every God-fearing person in Nice ran away screaming at the mere sight of this beast!

Sarah looks like a alien in this one...
an alien suffering from severe depression.

 Sarah cannot stop laughing when she looks at this one, but personally, I think he looks like a really friendly and innocent guy - the kind you just want to get to know!

 This man just became a father.  Jeremy, play your cards right and Quinn never sees this...

 

Allison is completely unrecognizable in this shot, about which I am sure she is happy in case she ever wants to be welcomed back to Nice.

This truly looks absolutely nothing like my younger sister Laura, but rather the gruesome creature that ate Laura.

Amy looks like an injured animal crying out, begging for someone to put her out of her misery.

Ross looks like an eight-year-old child who belongs in The Brady Bunch (Amy is just plain frightening).

I don't know how much of this is distorted and how much is really just me being terrifying.

Such a dreamy look... minus the demon-eyes, gaping nostrils, and ridiculous half-smile/smirk.

 Two things Austin Powers fears: nuclear war and my Mom - "Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."

 

Ahh!  Dad's back!  Jay Leno chin and almost non-existent eye - or is it a creepy wink?

Dave looking angry that he lost out on the leading role in Twilight - sweet hair, though!

My favorite part of this picture is the woman in the red pants running for her life for fear of being devoured by Sarah the Baboon.

This seriously looks like a caricature drawing by a street artist.

Even Kirby cannot escape my distorted camera shots!  I think he looks just like the dog from the intro to the TV show "Goosebumps."

Possibly the stupidest looking expression in this entire post. 
Congrats, Jeff!

Sarah looks like a mix between a chipmunk and a round-chinned old lady... with enormous Japanese cartoon cat-eyes, of course!

My wife's reaction to anyone saying, "Hey Sarah, I ate all of your pop-tarts!"

You again, Jeremy?!  Between the lazy eye, Vote for Pedro
mustache, and peanuts in the teeth,
I just don't know what else to say! 

Elizabeth would be an incredible linebacker if she joined the NFL.

Haha!  The flat head really helps to explain the seemingly brainless expression created by the distortion-feature - I'm pretty sure that this started off as just an innocent smile.

If I had to write a sound-effect for this one, it would probably be "Dddaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!"

 Jeremy's shot at the Jay Leno chin - classic!

 Back so soon, Elizabeth?!  Cross-eyes or horrific smile... not sure which will haunt me more.

 Amazingly, Renee's hair looks incredible in these shots... but the camera took no mercy on the rest of her.

 Even Papa got in on the fun, though after seeing this he may
not let me stay at his house for Christmas!

 Two fantastic shots of Dave - the one on the right is our favorite, probably because he looks like the Jolly Green Giant.

 I really love this picture - the way the light hits my face/eye, the way my mouth shows an expression of half-joy half-terror, and the fact that my eyes were filled with tears from laughing so hard at many of the other pics in this blog.

 One from far away (look at those hands!!!), one from close up - both are simply horrible, but the first pic is one of my absolute favorites - please click on it for a larger view and notice the eyes, nose, mouth, and overall expression (I love you, Molly!)

 Th.. th... th... th.. that's all folks!!!

The Fox and the Hound

London – the big city. Home to historical palaces, a thriving theatre district, the seat of government… and thousands of urban foxes!

That’s right, foxes. One of the most surprising things about moving to London has been walking down the street and foxes strolling right down the street next to you. It's strange to be living in such a metropolitan area with these woodland creatures living among you. But I guess with large amounts of open spaces and parks in London, they have plenty of places to live and plenty of garbage and scraps to eat. In our area, we've nick-named each one our "friendly neighborhood fox.”

We have had quite a lot of run-ins with foxes in the 16 months we've been here. Before Kirby moved in, they were fearless and practically camped out in our backyard. They’re a bit more hesitant now but they still come around quite a bit. And Kirby goes nuts!

One of David’s first up close and personal experiences with a fox was while I was away. He was sitting in the living room watching TV one night when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked out the window and saw a fox sitting on top of Kirby’s doghouse watching him watching TV. What a creepy fox!

Another time, a fox came through the yard and jumped from Kirby’s doghouse over the fence into the neighbor’s garden. We noticed him struggling in the bushes, so we thought he hadn’t made the jump and was falling. Nope. Instead the fox had grabbed a pigeon sitting on the top of the fence. He fell back onto the doghouse and started eating the pigeon… right in front of us! It was horrible! I felt like I was on an episode of ‘Animal Planet: When Foxes Attack.’ The pigeon struggled for a while, and then I jumped up to grab my camera. Unfortunately the fox saw me through the window and ran away with his food before I could get a video or pic.

Outside the city in Bracknell, where the Dell office is, the foxes run rampant. One day I was leaving the office and there was a fox walking across the parking lot with a goose hanging out of his mouth. Another time, while waiting for the shuttle at the train station, a flock of birds was taunting an injured fox. The poor guy ran across the street and then tried to get through the fence onto the train platform… maybe to get to the fox doctor. He didn’t make the train, though, and headed off down the street instead.

Foxes are very mischievous too. We learned this lesson the hard way. One day after working in the yard, David left his gardening gloves on the patio table. The next morning, they were gone. A fox had taken them for his nest. David could just imagine little baby foxes curled up inside his nice warm gloves. Last season, they ate David’s tomato plant so we put a little fence around the vegetable garden. This year, they developed an appetite for strawberries instead. The tomatoes were fine but the strawberries were non-existent.

Kirby is usually too busy hangin' out on the couch watching me work…

or sleeping half in/half out of his doghouse…

Ouch!

to notice the foxes in our backyard, but sometimes he does catch the scent and then he’ll just run laps around the backyard with his hair raised up on his back. When he does see one through the window, he will bark and bark until he’s let out. He never manages to catch them… we don’t even know if he would actually bite one, or just lick it to death. Chances are he'll never get that close because foxes are soooo fast and they can jump really high! We’ve seen them leap from the ground over the fence like it's nothing! This drives Kirby nuts and usually for two days after, he’ll OCD-it-up sitting next to the back door on full alert.

During the winter, when it gets dark around 4 in the afternoon, the foxes come out a lot earlier. So we see them a lot more on walks with the pup. And If Kirby sees one, he’ll chase after it like he does with cats (pulling David or me down the street with him). But again, they’re way too fast for him. Overall, we think this a good thing because we don’t want an epic battle to go down. I don’t want Kirby to get mauled or anything, but I also think he could handle his own… or they could become best friends just like "the fox and the hound!"